Important article:
Coercive control
Concerning behaviors
I am a survivor of Narcissistic Domestic Violence. I was granted a 5 year Order of Protection. The perpetrator strongly exhibits narcissistic sociopath personality disorder. I have filed charges and he remains wanted by the police since December of 2020.
When stepping on the path to justice and accountability, Activists face both persecution and prosecution by systems that are not just, they are political. I am not, simply, a victim speaking out, I am an Activist against violence. I am fighting for humanity. I not only represent myself but also those whose voices were stolen.
I am not a "Karen". I am a woman who was beaten down, and up, in an unimaginable darkness of evil, where I was groomed and conditioned to accept the violence, and holding the man who abused me accountable. When I escaped into the light I became more terrified than I was while in the dark. I learned who and what my abuser is and continues to prove, to be. This is what fuels my determination to hold him accountable. He is dangerous. A ticking time bomb as he races to destroy my character and my new life. He’s doing exactly what he said he’d do if I escaped and held him accountable. He's currently managing a smear campaign. While I was expecting this, as the perpetrator has in the past and continues to exhibit traits of a covert narcissist, it is still traumatic and triggering. I am grateful for a support system and counsel that has educated me on post narcissistic abuse and what to expect when you hold the abuser accountable. He continues to be textbook. Attempting to have all of my social media platforms along with my art website shut down, emails are being sent to the Help and Support teams stating that I am a racist and using their platform to spread hate. Making all attempts to discredit my character. The emails are generated from an account associated with the mother of the perpetrators child (a Senior Assistant Vice President at a nonprofit "creating safe and nurturing, gender responsive communities, and youth leadership development") I fear the integrity of her work is at stake as she continues to harass me, a victim of violence, and hides a man wanted by the police. She is a flying monkey. The outlandish, absurd, slandering and disturbing emails are being sent to:
My website host
The Brooklyn District Attorney
Department of Justice
Attorney General
The NYPD
BBB National Programs
NAACP
Live Free USA
American Civil Liberties Union
Advocate Defend Connect
All of my social media platforms
Pinterest
Blurb
Google
New York Senate
I believe the perpetrator is behind this threatening behavior, and I fear for my well being, yet again. We are nearing a court date in June, and as I am finally able to gain back control of my life, I believe he is scrambling for ways to distract and derail the truth, destroy my life and be on the run from accountability. He is a textbook Narcissistic Sociopath and highly vindictive. This behavior is predictable and consistent.
It is disgraceful that the perpetrator is riding on the coattails of social injustice, muddying the fight with lies and slander, in order to hide from his violence and crimes against me, attempt to regain control of my life and livelihood, to destroy it. Expected in Post-Separation Control.
It took me four times to make a final break from the perpetrator. He could no longer convince me he would change and his threats of revenge porn, of fucking up my life for as long as he lives, of making me out to be a racist, could no longer keep me hostage to his delusions, manipulations, false accusations and violence.
Narcissistic Abuse: Turns out, narcissists are more likely to post revenge porn online.
"Lead researcher Dr. Afroditi Pina from the University's School of Psychology and her colleagues suggest revenge porn perpetrators have a distinct personality profile that makes them more likely to commit the heinous crime. The research team found a positive correlation between the greater likelihood to engage in revenge porn and displaying higher levels of the "Dark Triad" psychological characteristics. The "Dark Triad" focuses on three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy; "dark" eludes to the person possessing these traits as having malevolent qualities. Impulsivity and lack of empathy were the most strongly tied to the likelihood someone would commit the crime.
People with these personality traits are also more likely to want to stay friends after a breakup, but for personal gain. Specifically, those who scored high for narcissism were more likely to choose "practicality and the chance of hooking up" as reasons for prolonging a former romantic relationship. Unsurprisingly, these people have trouble letting go, and seek revenge to further exert their power and control over their victims."
Prior to him being served the Order of Protection, and discovering I filed charges, the perpetrator sent me emails of apologies and telling me how wonderful I am, continuing to manipulate me.
Unfortunately, in order to recover from the nightmare I lived due to the perpetrator, I had to seek help, educate myself on his behavior, in order for me to understand how my life was hijacked by him, and how to recover. I now understand that I was not in a relationship with him. He is a predator. His aim was to gain access to my finances and my resources while beating me up and down physically, spiritually and emotionally, terrorizing, intimidating, and bullying me so that once he had what he wanted, he could walk away "in peace", move on to other "supply" as if we had a simple break up. The man is delusional. He almost cost me my life. I had to leave a good job, not only due to post traumatic stress disorder, but my coworkers were involved in the fear, chaos and trauma. The defendant stalked me during the first OOP in 2020.
Holding an abuser accountable can be dangerous
I am free and in this for the long haul. An Order of Protection was the first step. Accountability is the next.
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
The 8 Stages of Homicide — how it plays out.
In her studies Dr. Jane Monckton-Smith found a pattern among 372 killings she studied. All 372 were linked to the following 8 stages:
* The perpetrator had a previous history of stalking or abuse.
* The relationship immediately followed a whirlwind romance (also known as love-bombing) — The abuser wants to draw you in quickly before you realize what they’re really about.
* The perpetrator quickly established a dominance dynamic to maintain control over their partner.
* A trigger event occurred: something prompted the perpetrator to feel a loss of control. The victim might have ended the relationship, begun a new one, or the perpetrator got into financial difficulty. The perpetrator feels ownership of the victim and cannot accept that they have moved on or that they are not in control.
* Escalation: Control tactics increase notably as things escalate. At this stage, the perpetrator may begin to stalk the victim or threaten suicide as means of manipulating them back into the relationship.
* A change in approach: The perpetrator now decides to move on from previous attempts at winning back the victim. They have now mentally progressed to thoughts of either revenge or killing their former partner.
* Planning: They begin to plot ways of getting the victim alone. They are now purchasing weapons and other paraphernalia to carry out their crimes.
* Homicide: The victim is murdered by their partner. Children and pets may also be killed too. The perpetrator feels entitled to take the victim’s life. The victim is seen as nothing more than a possession. The perpetrator could also take their own life, too.
Previous homepage (contains important information on Intimate Partner Violence and Narcissistic Abuse) now lives here: A Mirror of Dread (The Narcissist’s Mirror). I moved it to the "unhinged" section.
Click on the above image to view all sections of website. Thank you for visiting.
Peace,
Gwendolyn
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