Common traits/tactics abusers, predators, narcissists use to lure and hold on to their prey:
An abbreviated timeline:
Began September 2019, he immediately wanted a committed relationship “Are you ready for Prime Time”. Love bombing was textbook. As was the trauma bonding and future faking.
Control and isolation began November - December 2019
Violence started December- January 2020
Filed assault charges in January. Had OOP in both Criminal and Family Court. He convinced me to rescind. Classic cycle of abuse begins.
Made three attempts to go no contact after being physically abused, head-butts, punched in the head, stomach, bullying, intimidation.
January 19 2020, April 15th, May 10th. Final was October 7, 2020 after weeks of consistent, routine physical abuse, bullying and intimidation. I was granted a 5yr OOP. He was served October 27, 2020
Ongoing Virtual Family Court dates due to contempt violations:
October 15, 2020
February 1, 2021
April 23, 2021 (Defendant was a no-show)
May 13, 2021 (Defendant petitions to silence me through a temporary OOP, submits a smear campaign to discredit me and delay the accountability process. Actions notorious with narcissists.
June 4, 2021
June 22, 2021
August 26, 2021
January 7, 2022
February 2, 2022
February 15, 2022
SILENCE IS VIOLENCE
I am currently using my art website as a journal and to inform others who have suffered through, and from, Domestic Violence and Narcissistic Abuse. It is an outlet for my voice so that other victims know they are not alone. If you feel the above image text is about you, or someone you know, and are affected, please seek professional mental and/or behavioral health counseling. Especially if you are affiliated with any organization that assist victims of trauma, or counsel victims yourself, work with youth or any vulnerable group. The integrity of your work is at stake. Are you caught up in a narcissist's abuse of others? Are you a parent? Dealing with a narcissistic parent day in and day out throughout one’s childhood can have a devastating impact on the child. You must not make attempts to silence victims of violence. This website's content are of me, and by me, Gwendolyn C Skaggs - a victim of intimate partner violence and narcissistic abuse.
The perpetrator made every attempt to destroy my life. Manipulating me, controlling me, isolating me, and silence me in order to maintain the cycle of abuse He is well aware of his actions. This is why going NO CONTACT and seeking help after escaping an abuser is crucial. There are numerous reasons why victims stay. On the average it takes 6-7 times for the final escape to hold. It took me four. The fourth time I knew I had to get out to save my life. The abuser will make many attempts to lure you back so that they can continue to manipulate you, cloud reality so you can not see clearly what is happening to you. (Note step #5). I continue to be educated and counseled through trained professionals and recommended reading. I had to learn who and what the abuser truly is in order to begin healing from the impact of trauma due to months of physical, sexual, emotional and mental abuse. The healing process may take months if not years. As Dr. Glenn Doyle states: "I assure you, trauma's not "all in your head." It's also in your heart, your nerves, and your stomach. It's in your trembling hands, your uneven breathing, your vision that suddenly gets blurry. It's not just our head that went through the thing. Every cell in our body was there."
Domestic violence had great implications on the physical and mental health of the victim
"As it has been stated, domestic violence remains one of the most insidious problems in modern society. Worse still, in some communities maintaining social hierarchy, using physical and emotional violence is still regarded as a tradition that should be treated with respect (Grose & Grabe, 2014, p.972). The purpose of the present research is to reveal the primary cause of domestic violence and define which methods would be effective for decreasing the number of cases of domestic violence in the society. The complexity of the problem that the research is supposed to solve lies in several reasons that contribute to its contagion."
The following are articles I sent to the perpretator many times. Like all abusers, the promise of change is a tactic to lure you back (excerpt from one of his emails below), most often it is a lie, as his continued violence proved:
"OMG, Gwendolyn! Look at the attached image! 70% success rate!!!!! (He added this to the end of every begging email)
- I’m enrolling in class ASAP.
- I will attend religiously.
- I’ll share PROOF with you that I’m getting heip and using it FULLY. small thing for a brain like mine.
- I will hand you my certificate and
- i will follow that with hiring a shrink on my insurance and visiting regularly."
He would swing back and forth from promises to seek help to threatening to ruin my life. Often using "revenge porn". (Image-based sexual abuse, commonly known as “revenge porn,” takes place when someone threatens to share, or shares, an intimate, nude, or sexually explicit image or video of an individual – without that person’s consent to do so.) I have numerous text and emails from the perpetrator when I ran from his violence, stating "I will make you famous".
Change starts with a commitment to do so. If you do not wish to be seen as a monster, don't be a monster.
There are different types of intimate-partner abusers, experts say. A subtype often referred to in the field as the Intimate Partner Terrorist is the "worst of the worst," says David B. Wexler, executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego, a nonprofit organization that designs and runs domestic violence treatment programs. The man is obsessed with power and control, terrorizes his partner, erodes her self- esteem, wields financial control and is jealous and possessive. This type of abuser is almost impossible to change, Dr. Wexler says.
If you are a victim of abuse:
Now more than ever it is crucial for victims of domestic violence to have a safety plan. Click here to see where to start.
Tangled: Escape the 5-Story Tower of Narcissistic Abuse Rapunzel's stairway to hell, from passive to aggressive narcissism. Pt. 1 of 5
What woman, in her right mind, would want another woman, to go through the violence and narcissistic abuse, as she once did?
If you or someone you care about is experiencing narcissistic abuse, there is help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline recognizes narcissistic abuse and trauma and is available 24/7 in more than 200 languages. Call 1-800-799-7233 to talk with an advocate.
"Defined by emotional volatility, a lack of empathy, and delusions of superiority and entitlement, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is linked with interpersonal exploitation, rage, and aggression, most often directed at family members. Making matters worse, narcissists compulsively deny their behavior and project it onto the people they hurt, and they frequently cultivate a likable or even do-gooder public persona that belies their ongoing abuses behind closed doors."
“Adults can’t just leave the situation.
Leaving an abuser, especially a highly manipulative and vengeful narcissist, is rarely easy to do. Partners of narcissists, particularly women, are frequently isolated from friends and family, drained of financial resources, and bullied into compliance with threats of assault, withdrawal of support, loss of child custody, and homelessness.”