This journal entry dove into racism, social history, art history and the controversies that lie within. The trauma endured by victims of intimate partner violence can not be compared to a word drawn onto paper. A word with one of the richest, nastiest, and most complex ranges of meaning in the English language, whether painted, drawn, written or sung will resonate loudly and be a catalyst for awareness anywhere it lands, no matter how it is released. Artists continue to use art as a spark to critical conversations around universal issues. Intimate partner violence in a cross cultural relationship is complex. If the abuser is black, and the victim is white, they may often times silence the victim by calling her a racist if she calls the police or goes to the authorities. My abuser did just that every time I ran from his violent behavior. The attempts to lure me back sometimes started with promises to change. The threats would follow, or vice versa.
In this journal entry I confront the pressing issue, and his attack on my character as I finally broke free, and I strike back with full force, from the gut that was physically punched, and the mind that was once skillfully, insidiously and deviously manipulated by the narcissistic abuser.
The entries above reflect the words used by racists, referring to white women who have intimate relations with black men, and vice versa. With every line, curve, and stroke, I was keenly aware of the word's toxicity, and place in these times and history, as I drew each letter with my Magnum Sharpie. Pressuring each letter to fit, stretch tall and narrow to fill each page, I knew I was giving the perpetrator what he bargained for. This act does not make me a racist. It makes me profoundly aware of his tactics. This act does not relieve the abuser of being held accountable for physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abusing me. Like most victims, I knew the road for justice would be challenging. I knew in order for him to battle with the truth, and not face the consequences for his actions, he would have to lie, as brutally as he treated me.
Narcissists will find ways, take things out of context, and rewrite narratives to play victim.
*Flying monkeys (popular psychology):
Flying monkeys is a phrase sometimes used in pop psychology to describe people who are acting at the behest of another (common amongst narcissist) to control a targeted individual. It is a metaphor taken from the Wizard of Oz wherein the Wicked Witch of the West used winged monkeys to carry out evil deeds on her behalf.
"Triangulation" is a psychology theory that examines this and other third party influences on relationships."Triangulation" is a key element of Murray Bowen's Family Systems Theory.